Enduring Ambiguity and Difficult Situations

Written by....Myself ;-D

Ambiguity.  Uncertainty.  It's part of how life works.  Most of life is ambiguous and unknown.  Things are always changing.  It's part of what helps each of us grow, become the person we are supposed to be, learn important life lessons, and gain wisdom as we age.  It's a normal aspect of the human experience.

For many of us though, this is difficult.  In fact, I think for most people (myself included), its very uncomfortable!  The unknown is unsettling to most.  Especially tolerating uncertainty when a situation is important to us and we are attached to a particular result.  That is even more tormenting.

However, despite this being a challenge for most of us, I believe it's something that if we worked to overcome (or not necessarily overcome, but be able to sit with this feeling of uncertainty and not have it unnerve us so), we could be happier in our daily lives.  Being able to live more confidently and calmly, with uncertainty.

We must accept that life is uncertain, unpredictable, complicated and fast.  There is no perfect job, no perfect person, no perfect relationship or no perfect life.

There are jobs of all different arrays, people of all types (each of whom posses both wonderful qualities and terrible ones), relationships of all varieties as each of our hearts burn deeply for a different type of person (some healthier than others, but all of which are filled with different nuances and complexities depending on the people in the relationship) and just life (not perfect.  Yet totally complex and layered, each life filled with both beautiful and terrible moments, like an intricately woven rug of all different colors and details).

And anyway, isnt all of that far more captivating and colorful then "perfect"? ;-)

What I believe are the positives regarding learning to deal with uncertainty and challenging life situations:

1. Building inner emotional strength and resilience.  When one goes through a challenging life ordeal, one emerges stronger after they work through the worst of it (even if they felt broken during moments when trudging through the darkness) and one emerges more compassionate and resilient for the future.
2. Teaches us to develop an inner calm.  I don't know about all of you, but when I am struggling in moment of uncertainty that might fill me with stress or fear, I sometimes feel a lack of control over my life, as I am uncertain and know I cannot control the outcome.  But learning to deal with uncertainty in an emotionally mature way can help us develop more of a sense of inner peace.
3. Helps us build coping/adapting skills.  Navigating our way through tough life circumstances teaches us the art of adapting.  We learn to cope with heartbreak, or loss, or loneliness (assuming we approach these difficult emotions with generally healthy responses on our parts).  This is an important life skill, as much of life is challenging emotionally.  So to have developed healthy coping skills and the ability to adapt, this is an important thing in terms of life happiness.  If one does not have these skills, it will lead to a life with further distress when things are difficult.
4. Makes challenging situations we will experience in the coming years sometimes easier to endure emotionally.  However, the more you are able to work through these difficult times in a positive way and come through them stronger, then these situations will become easier to endure in the future.  You will have developed the skills to cope with and handle tough stuff and will carry these skills with you into future challenges, finding yourself better equipped as time goes on.
5. Gives you further life experience and wisdom.  Isnt life generally one big learning experience?  And a road one navigates down, learning lessons as they go, potentially altering their course upon these lessons learned, and thus growing stronger, smarter and more wise as we add years to our lives?  Well.  Every single thing you experience matters, both good and bad.  It all gives you more knowledge about life, more insight about the kind of person you want to be (and the kind of person you might not want to be), how you want to live your life going forward and what life is all about.  Difficult situations are especially eye opening because of their challenging nature.  On not just an experience standpoint but also an emotional one.
6. Eye-opening and mind-expanding.  Working your way through ambiguity and difficulties can broaden your mind and world view.  It can challenge you emotionally, as well as your values and the points of view you hold to be true.  Sometimes even altering or expanding these views and values.  This leads to growth.  This is always good :-)
7. Building an openness to uncertainty.  Uncertainty and difficulty is uncomfortable to be certain.  Sometimes its downright unpleasant and upsetting, depending on the situation.  But learning to sit with this feeling (instead of feeling the need to do anything to rid oneself of it as a temporary crutch, from drugs, to drinking, to denial, to overeating, whatever the bad choice might be) is an important thing.  Uncertainty is a given in life, and a huge part of it.  Therefore, if its something you cannot deal with, life will be a very stressful and upsetting experience for you.  Its important to learn (at least more of the time) the skill of enduring uncertainty.  You can have this feeling, carry it with you, feel it, and yet feel generally happy and content with yourself in the other areas of your life.
8. Difficulties can lead to wonder and beauty.  So many people cut and run from upsetting or difficult experiences, simply because enduring these emotions is too upsetting for them.  What they forget is that: these feelings are only temporary (as all feelings and states of being are).  They will pass.  They cannot deal with waiting it out to see what wonder might unfold in the long run, if they accept the challenge and work through it.  This can apply to relationships, starting out low on the career totem pole, family discord, working towards a life goal or dream, finances, etc.  And they also forgot that often times, with initial difficulty and challenge comes the result of something wonderful.  Sometimes one must pass through the darkness (and endure it-in a healthy way) in order to come into the brilliant light at the end of the tunnel.  

Those are a few of the reasons why I believe it's a paramount life skill regarding learning to deal with ambiguity and challenging life situations.  I felt a pull towards writing about this topic because I am finding its something I am personally struggling with sometimes in my own life right now, and it's something I would like to continue to improve upon.