Sunday, April 26, 2015

Why is Extraordinary Love Often the Most Challenging?

Why is the greatest love often the most challenging? 

And why is this type of love always worth it?

First off, there are MANY examples of this type of great, passionate, all-consuming, yet ultimately challenging type of love throughout real history.  

A few real examples throughout history include: Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine, the actors Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor- this was a big one, Cleopatra and Antony, John Lennon of The Beatles and Yoko Ono, the list goes on,  

As well as hundreds of examples of this passionate, soul-mate type of love that we see throughout literature, film, television, music, poetry, etc.  

To name a few of those examples: Lyla Garrity and Tim Riggins from Friday Night Lights, Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere in King Arthur, Scarlett O Hara and Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind, Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, Peeta and Katniss from The Hunger Games, Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanon from The Great Gatsby, Cal and Emily- the husband and wife from the movie Crazy Stupid Love, Allie and Noah from The Notebook, again, the list goes on and on.

Not one of these great love affairs was without some major challenges. This is not to say that great love is always challenging.  But it seems that often so, it is.  And I think an interesting question to examine is why might that be?

People often assume that when you find one of these soul-mate like relationships, that it will be easier than other types of relationships.  Because of the depth of the connection with a soul mate, the closeness of your friendship with this person, the similarities between the two of you, the crackling chemistry that exists.  One might think, well how could it not be easy?  With something so incredibly great.  But these wonderful aspects do not equal a cake-walk ;-).

In fact, when you care that deeply about someone, passions are easily stirred. Sometimes sparks can turn into raging flames.  Such deep caring, connection and passion can also mean hot tempers, sometimes obsessive demeanor's and demanding behavior. 

The closer you are to someone, the more deeply they can wound you.  When you have more invested in a relationship emotionally, you have more to lose.

Another reason why these relationships that contain such deep, extraordinary love can be so difficult is because the role of the soul mate is to bring to us the energy that we need to experience in order to grow. Their entrance into our lives is not random, it’s for a reason, and we are going to learn from them.

Therefore, demanding, challenging, draining, painful, intense, haunting, addictive and passionate are all adjectives that can be used to describe the nature of soul-mate relationships.  (That is not to say these relationships are like this all the time.  They are not.  Just as often, if not more so, these relationships are passionate, major chemistry exists, a deep understanding and friendship is present, lots of joy exists between the couple, etc.  But the point is, with soul-mate relationships which are so incredibly close, they come with challenge.  Because of such emotional closeness and intense feelings).

These soul-mate relationships require that a couple evolve together or be divided. Neither partner will be able to remain as they were prior to the relationship. If one of them does, then the relationship will fail.  The couples that ‘make it’ together through this turbulence and last, have without exception, been able to reform themselves and both continually grow, in order for the relationship to survive.  

Great emotional struggle therefore is invariably experienced in these relationships.  This is part of the deal with soul mates.

So many people settle for relationships that are good, or pretty decent, or with someone they love and with whom they generally enjoy the company.  Yet, they may know in their subconscious that despite the relationship being good enough, this person is not THE extraordinary love that they have either had once before, or could have.
Because if it’s unconditional, life-changing, mind-altering, madly-passionate-but-sometimes-extraordinarily-challenging love that you find yourself inherently invested in with every bit of your heart, this is something you should do everything in your power to hold on to
Be with who uproots you and makes you realize you didn’t know how deeply your soul could stretch. Be with who loves you. Who really, actually, genuinely, truly, madly, deeply, passionately loves you. And to whom you reciprocate those feelings to as well.  Life is unimaginably short and passes even faster than that; there will be enough average things in your life. Don’t let love be one of them

Extraordinary love does not mean being with the person that you most easily get along with. Because as detailed above, extraordinary love very often isn’t easy (it usually never is) but in one way or another, it is always worth it. 

You will know, in your deepest heart of hearts, when what you have is it.  You will feel it.  Your soul will tell you that this is that kind of love.

Because you need (and deserve) love that is something of an other-worldly connection, that you can’t really make sense of in your mind. Mind-blowing, life-changing, heart-stopping, blood-rushing, miraculous love.

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