Tuesday, September 25, 2018

11 Things I am Loving

Hi all,

Its been a long while since one of these posts.  Therefore, thought it might be time for a slightly fluffier, albeit fun (and hopefully offering readers some inspiration and/or engaging ideas, sweet treats, and activities) type of post.  Here are 11 things I am loving at the moment.








1. Dough Bar Donuts.  Oh my gosh.  I am speaking from personal sampling experience here.  Are these babies ever good!  Pillowy, lightly sweet, delicious, and clocking in at just 150 calories each.  SO yum.  Highly recommend ordering a box of these to try out yourself.  And at $15 a package, they aren't obscenely priced either.






2. Autumn.  Foliage- the trees igniting with vivid flame of color.  Tall, supple leather riding boots.  Scarves (preferably woolen and plaid).  Pumpkin donuts.  Cute and cozy coats.  Haunted hayrides.  Brisk air, though not too frigid.  Warm mugs of tea clutched in hand.  Holing up in charming cafes to wile away the afternoon in conversation with friend or lover (or, solo, with book in hand and/or writing to be done).  The. Best. Season. <3





3. The book, "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People."  This one has sat firmly at the top of the self help/psychology category of books for years.  Its been on my "to read" list for ages for this very reason.  Finally, I bought a used copy from Amazon and, after letting it sit on my shelf for some weeks, picked it up, not necessarily expecting to be wowed.  Instead, more assuming a semi dry read with a few important insights sprinkled within.  Wow, was I wrong.

While about halfway through this book at the moment, already, several of the principles within have already prompted major self reflection for me.  


The first of which: The Social Mirror.  

Meaning, if the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror (aka, the opinions, perceptions, and paradigms of the people around us- the ones who do not know us especially well or in real depth), our view of ourselves is like the reflection in the crazy mirror room at a carnival. 

"You're never on time."

"Why cant you keep things in order?" 

"You must be an artist!" 

"You eat like a horse!" 

"This is so simple, why cant you understand?"  

These visions are disjointed and out of proportion.  They are, more often, projections than reflections, projecting the concerns and character weaknesses of the people giving the input rather than accurately reflecting what we are.

The second poignant insight I gleaned: Its incredibly east to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busy-ness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover its leaning against the wrong wall.  It is possible to be busy, very busy, without being very effective.  


People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that come at the expense of the very things they suddenly realize are far more important to them.  People from every walk of life- doctors, CEOs, engineers, actors, politicians, plumbers, artists- often struggle to achieve a higher income, more recognition, or a certain degree of professional competence, only to find that their drive to achieve their goal actually blurred them to the things that mattered most, and that those very things are now gone.

How different our lives would be, and are, when we really know what is deeply important to us.  And by keeping that image prominent and at the very forefront of our minds, this can help to clarify that very knowledge.  In keeping a clear picture of "the end" ever at the forefront of our mind (aka, imagining, taking the time to really picture and consider the ending of your life, and how you most want to be remembered), this will help provide a narrowing of focus and a realigning of priorities, as well as can helping to guide and tweak your behavior and daily choices that you might have made differently otherwise.  

Every single day, operate with The End in mindThis can help cut through, quickly, a lot of the busy-ness and distractions, to what is truly important and crucial with regards to your deepest values and personal mission in your life.  








4. Back Works in Boston, MA.  First things first, massage is not an indulgence.  Its vital to your continued health and wellbeing, both emotionally and physically.  Some studies have shown massage to be beneficial for: anxiety, digestive disorders, headaches, sports injuries, insomnia related to stress, soft tissue strains or injuries, easing symptoms of depression.  You get the picture.  For more, see photo just above ;-)

I've had several massages within my life and, hands down, the best one was at Backworks in Boston.  Specifically with Kim.  Its $80 for one hour, which is not on the high end.  Its middle range in terms of price.  However for your first visit, you get $10 off.  I promise if you make an appointment with Kim, it will revolutionize how you think of massages.





5. This Paleo Sweet Potato Lasagna.  My, oh my.  SO good.  I was skeptical of lasagna without noodles.  That just isn't lasagna, am I right?  That's like...ice cream, without the cream.  Not the real thing.  Instead, its pseudo ice cream, or pseudo lasagna.  However, on sampling vegan ice cream, I was mind blown (FoMu in Boston- go there.  It'll change your life ;-)).  This experience with Paleo lasagna was no different.  I promise.  This dish is some of the most homey, tasty, totally yummy comfort food I've had in months.  Don't believe me?  Give it a try.  You wont be disappointed.

You can find the recipe for such here.






6. Many Love: a Memoir.  This book.  So good.  Talk about majorly thought provoking.  A fascinating, unconventional, unique, mind-turning look at other ways of loving (and frankly, what love can be) that are just as valid and awesome as the way in which we traditionally tend to approach relationships in our culture together.  At the very least, its a really fun, fast paced, juicy read.  However, I think for most, it will be more than that.  I imagine it'll make you think... :-)
Highly recommend this one.

(While I do not practice a polyamorous lifestyle personally, here is an article I wrote that aligns with the topic of the fact that as humans, we absolutely can love more than one person.  That our one track, narrow idea of how romantic love must only be relegated to one person and cannot possibly legitimately be otherwise is not only illogical and nonsensical, its flat out inaccurate.  How one chooses to love is their personal preference, and is a valid thing.  Even if it differs from the cultural norm.  The way our culture has decided on there being only one right way to love (aka monogamous, heterosexual, and married- otherwise, the relationship isn't "truly committed," its not as valid or good as "normal" relationships) is really unfortunate, constricting, and harmful to many people who do not fit into such a mold).


7.  These specific quotes.  They seem to closely correlate with some major themes of my life currently and/or themes that are fairly pertinent at the moment around me.










8.  This Quinoa Chocolate Cake.  My, oh, my.  SO tasty.  Rich, fudgy, moist, totally decadent.  Hands down, one of the best chocolate cakes Ive ever made and/or sampled.  And the most shocking part, it has zero grains/gluten.  Also, its lactose free, and semi low in sugar.  Woo hoo!!!  Thank god, since Ive demolished something like half of it ;-)

Here is how to make it.



9.  STRONG by Zumba Express at C2 Studio in Boston.  This class is such fun!  Oh how I underestimated it during the initial 15 minutes of class.  Thinking, pffffft, this is too easy.  Not so fast.  SO many jump squats, burpees, running in place, push ups.  Man, did my muscles ache the next day.  Definitely recommend giving this one a try.

You can find the class schedule here.

And then, here is some information about the concept in general.




10.  Flour Bakery, however, specifically the one at 12 Farnsworth Street in Boston.  I've been to other locations that were not especially charming, nor were the sweets on offering nearly as enticing and varied.  This flour bakery location had both.  A plethora of inviting looking sweet treats, and the interior was, for the most part, cozy and charming.  Recommend checking this place out for a weekend afternoon meeting spot with a friend.





11. The NY Times column "Modern Love."  They also have a podcast, or you can read the column online here.  These are essays written by people like you and me which explore the trials, triumphs, and tragedies of love.  I've read and listened to several within the last year.  Many of those, I found poignant, beautiful, inspiring, thought provoking, deeply moving.  A few of which I admit that I found, meh.  The majority though, really great.  







Friday, September 21, 2018

What to do about a Toxic Work Environment

It's one thing to dislike your job, but it's another to feel physically ill walking in to work. If your job just doesn't have redeeming qualities, your work environment may be toxic in more ways than one. Here's how to handle it, especially if you can't just quit.
In short, a toxic work environment is any job where the work, the atmosphere, the people, or any combination of those things make you so dismayed it causes serious disruptions in the rest of your life.

Make no mistake, every job sucks sometimes, but you know a job is toxic when you can't find joy in anything there. Some of your coworkers may be great, but others drag you down. The policies are stifling and the managers nitpick and micromanage. The only good thing about your job is the end of the day.
If any of those things sound familiar, it's time to do something. Let's start with the obvious, and then talk about what else you can do to get a little relief—or at least protect yourself.


First, Know When to Fold and Avoid Putting Energy into the Untenable
Frankly, too many people stick it out in toxic environments when they don't have to.  Sometimes a tough work environment is really just a difficult but manageable, or, other times its one that's too toxic, has gone steadily south and becomes beyond savingEither way, if your job is causing you serious emotional or physical stress, you should get out as soon as possible. I've seen people quit toxic jobs without anything lined up because they simply couldn't bear the notion of going back another day. If you can, get a new job first or prep your safety net—but do leave.
If for some reason, you decide to stay, there are some things you can do to protect yourself.  But know that unless the root cause changes, it won't get much better. If you think the root cause may change soon—like a horrible manager on his or her way out, or the potential for a transfer to a new group—then it might make sense to hang tough. Just make sure you're not sticking in a situation that promises to change but never does.
Similarly, don't let your job's toxicity drain your willpower so much you're too wiped to look for something better. Of course, don't just take anything that comes along as a way out, either. Make sure your next move is to something that's a step forward, or you may find yourself back in the same pit, just with different walls.


Circle the Wagons and Rally Like-Minded Colleagues
If you're in no position to quit, or you don't have the luxury of just walking off a job because it's making you crazy, there are a few things you can do, at least in the short term.  First and foremost, make sure you have coworkers who'll watch your back.  This can be difficult if your coworkers are guilty of chronic backstabbing or under-bus-throwing, but if you can rally a few to the cause, it's a good idea.  When one of you hears something that'll impact everyone, like some micromanagerial change that's about to sweep the department or new policy everyone will be held to before they're actually told about it, you guys can share that information and protect yourselves.
The idea has its roots in high-school lunch room logic: you hang out with the people who are most like you and most willing to watch your back—or at least those with whom you're in the same boat. Toxic work environments are eerily similar to those days, so you have to treat them the same way. Frankly, the fact that cliques form at all in your office is a sign of a bad work environment, but if you have to stay in it, you're better off finding a group you can ally with than staying on your own. Sometimes the best thing to do is to make sure you know who your friends are and keep your head down as much as possible.


Document Everything. Seriously, Everything
Even if your job isn't exactly "toxic," you should consider documenting everything.  Documentation isn't foolproof protection from overbearing managers or coworkers determined to throw you under the bus for their mistakes, but it can offer some defenseWe've mentioned that it can be useful to keep a work diary for your own growth, but it can come in handy here too.  For those of us in office environments, this means saving and organizing every email related to every project you work on, making sure you take notes in meetings and on phone calls, and never trusting someone to recall and agree when you remind them of something they said or did.  It's tiring, but it's a solid way to make sure your ass is covered.
Good work relationships are built on trust, and if there's no trust where you work, the only person you can depend on is yourself.  Embrace tools like Evernote to keep all of your various documents and projects organized neatly, and treat your inbox like a filing cabinet—there should be folders and labels for everything you work on, or even for every person you interact with. That way anytime anyone tries to go back on their word, you can drag out an email or document where they said otherwise, or if a manager tries to pretend their policy says one thing when it really doesn't, you can pull out the policy document.
Like we said, it's not foolproof—some managers will take that level of documentation as a threat, while others will back down and leave you alone. However, this technique is especially useful if your HR department is the root of the problem, or the tension at work is because of poor relationships between groups, as opposed to within your own team. Tread carefully, but it's better to have the documentation and then pick your battles than not have it at all.



It May Be Personal, but It's Not You (or Your Fault)
As much as we'd like to say "toxic work environments aren't personal," in many cases, they really are.  Sometimes a manager may have it out for you, or just want to make you a convenient scapegoat for their own incompetence.  Maybe it's another colleague who wants to boost their career by currying favor with managers, and you're today's target.  Whatever it is, it can be very personal—maybe you're new to the company, or that person has it out for you because of the way you look, dress, or the career threat you potentially pose to them. Whatever it is, remember that it may be personal, but it's not your fault. Don't let yourself get caught up in the swirl of negativity that likely surrounds the whole affair.
Steer clear of office gossip as much as possible (aside from the fair warnings of the people you know have your interests at heart) and keep your head down.  Remember, the goal is to get your work done so you can leave at the end of the day, so you don't want to go looking for confrontation.  However, if it finds you, don't back down or roll over. You don't want others to get the message that they can regularly pick on you, make you a scapegoat, and blame their mistakes on you without you being willing to stand up for yourself, at least tacticallyPick your battles wisely, but don't let personal slights and workplace bullying go unchallenged.  Be assertive, and put a stop to their behavior early on.
I've seen many people stick it out in bad environments because early on in their jobs they were too frightened to stand up for themselves. They assumed they were lucky to have the job, and were intimidated by their manager's or colleagues seniority, so they didn't stand up for themselves. Remember, every job is a two way street: The team should need you as much as you need them, and if you get the feeling you need them more than they need you, it's time to move on. There's no reason to keep going to work every day to an office or group of people who don't respect or appreciate you, or worse, behave like they don't. 


Stick to Your Guns and Keep Your Options Open
Whatever you choose to do, make sure to keep your options open. Sometimes toxic work environments only seem that way because we're sensitive to a specific trigger.  There are ways to shore up your defenses if you think that might be the case.  However, if the environment is truly toxic—and mind you, sometimes all it takes is a spectacularly bad boss—and there's no way you can save it yourself, it may be time to look for something new.
Finally, even if you can't turn the situation around, try to make it as much of a learning experience as possible—without taking responsibility for it, of course.  Author and entrepreneur Amy Rees Anderson, writing for Forbes, explains:
Another important coping step is to realize that you cannot control what other people say and do, you can only control your own actions and reactions. The sooner you accept that the better for your own mental well-being. This realization allows you to let go of owning other people’s negative behavior and it empowers you to focus on improving yourself. The more you can focus on improving yourself in a negative environment the better, because when you finally get the opportunity to escape the situation you are in, you will get to take all the personal growth you have made along with you. No doubt that growth will help you to be even more successful as you move forward.
Finally, try to focus on turning your bad situation into a good learning experience. Most often our strongest personal growth comes from living through our most difficult situations. When you are working in a toxic environment, try to pay close attention to the lessons you can take away from the experience. Perhaps you can learn the qualities in a leader that you never want to emulate. Perhaps you can learn the management mistakes that you would not want to repeat if the opportunity for management ever comes your way. In every bad situation there is something you can learn that will help you become a better person, so focus on each lesson you are learning.
She also advocates that you take the high road and never sacrifice your personal integrity in an attempt to get revenge or "fight fire with fire," which we wholeheartedly agree with. She suggests you stay engaged at work too—noting that as long as you draw a paycheck you have an obligation to bring your best to your job every day. We'd temper that point a bit—if your work environment is toxic to the point where you feel awful every day, you're already not bringing your A-game. Do what's required, but don't dump energy into a job that doesn't appreciate your effort. Disengage a bit and spend that extra time and energy looking for something better, whether it's a transfer to a new department or a new job entirely.


In any case, remember, it's just a job, and you're working to live, not living to work.
You're not shackled to your desk, even if you need the paycheck.
Don't sacrifice your personal integrity in anger, but don't let others walk on you.
Toxic work environments come and go, and if you can learn something from it, great—but as long as you're in it, watch your back, cover your ass, and keep your head down until the smoke clears or you can get out.

This is lifted directly from Lifehacker.com, so I want to give them full credit.  This is not my writing.  Its an article from that site, written by another author, Alan Henry.  I just loved this so much and found it incredibly important (as I don't feel nearly enough people stuck in toxic work environments hear supportive, validating, and concrete insights along these lines nearly enough) to share.  Here is a link to the original article.


Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Books that Changed My Life- and Can Change Yours Too

One thing I've learned about reading over the years: it isn't always necessarily the best written book, nor the most poetic prose, that solidifies a books spot in ones mind or heart.  The book that goes on whispering to you long past the point of concluding reading it.  Yes, sometimes it is just that which makes a read memorable (the poetic prose).  Much more often though, its the uniqueness and provocation of the concept the book presents, which keeps it lingering in the back of your soul

Does the book prompt in someone, a novel concept, idea, lifestyle, or consideration they hadn't ever thought of prior?  Does the book stir, provoke, intrigue?  On finishing, does it leave a mark on the readers mind and/or heart?  Does it keep the cogs and gears of their intellect and mind turning?

These tend to be the books that most stay with us.  The ones that prompt a before and after type shift within.  Often times, these are also extremely well written.  Sometimes though, the writing is subpar, while the ideas within are still gold.

See below for my list of several books which, for me, fell into this category as life changers, thought shifters, heart movers.  All of which I highly recommend and believe have the same power to do such for you.




Just Kids by Patti Smith.  This book changed the way I look at romantic relationships, in powerful and poignant ways.  Patti Smith tells her story of arriving in NYC at the age of 18, destitute, alone, starving to be an artist.  There, she meets Robert Mapplethorpe, a similarly hungry artist.  These two form an instant friendship which, over the course of her story, prove to be a soul-mate like connection and love in the truest sense. 

Initially they're romantic loves, though when Robert realizes he is homosexual, this takes a heartbreaking turn for Patti.  Instead of moving apart permanently though, they continually turn back towards each other emotionally throughout each of their lives, even at times when most people would turn away because its simply too painful and "too complicated." 

Thus book showed me all the possibility of what love and a connection between two people can be, if we weren't so afraid of challenge, occasional pain, and the navigating through difficult emotions and ambiguous phases with someone.  One of the best books Ive ever read, both for the poetic prose and the uniqueness of the story itself.  Read this one.

An article I wrote on this book previously which garnered significant praise and positive thoughts from readers.




While I am about 1/3 through this book at the present moment, already, I know several of the principles within are already going to change my life.  Having prompted some major self reflection and consideration. 

The first of which: The Social Mirror

Meaning, if the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror (aka, the opinions, perceptions, and paradigms of the people around us), our view of ourselves is like the reflection in the crazy mirror room at a carnival. 

"You're never on time."
"Why cant you keep things in order?" 
"You must be an artist!" 
"You eat like a horse!" 
"This is so simple, why cant you understand?" 

These visions are disjointed and out of proportion.  They are, more often, projections than reflections, projecting the concerns and character weaknesses of the people giving the input rather than accurately reflecting what we are.

The second poignant insight I gleaned: Its incredibly east to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busy-ness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover its leaning against the wrong wall.  It is possible to be busy, very busy, without being very effective. 

People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that have come at the expense of the very things they suddenly realize are far more important to them.  People from every walk of life- doctors, CEOs, engineers, actors, politicians, plumbers, artists- often struggle to achieve a higher income, more recognition, or a certain degree of professional competence, only to find that their drive to achieve their goal actually blurred them to the things that mattered most, and are now gone.

How different our lives would be, and are, when we really know what is deeply important to us.  And by keeping that image prominent and at the very forefront of our minds, this can help to clarify that very knowledge.  With this picture of keeping "the end" ever at the forefront of our mind (aka, imagining, taking the time to really picture and consider the ending of your life, and how you most want to be remembered), this will help provide a narrowing of focus and a realigning of priorities, as well as can helping to guide and tweak your behavior and daily choices that you might have made differently otherwise. 

Every single day, operate with the End in MindThis can help cut through, quickly, a lot of the busy-ness and distractions, from what is really, truly important and crucial with regards to your deepest values and personal mission in your life.  What is your own personal mission?  And how do you most want to be remembered by the people who are of greatest importance to you?  




Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  While the story isnt especially unique (someone losing a parent they love deeply and spiraling downward into a tailspin over it), the way Strayed talks to her readers and narrates the story is what lends it that powerful punch. 

Strayed explores the human tensions and contradictions in all of us.  Loving someone, while still leaving them.  Feeling rage towards someone, all while loving them.  Wanting to leave, and at the very same time, of desperately wishing to stay.  Loving her body, while the next moment loathing it.  Feeling the fear, total terror, and yet doing it anyway.  Feeling both despair and strength simultaneously.  Love and resentment at the same time. 

Her story is told in a raw, real, very human voice.  Love this story.  Everyone can find themselves somewhere within it.





12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson.  While there are bits and pieces of Petersons principles and theories which can be problematic or obnoxious (though I think this is a given for any psychologist or really, even most people.  We all have some viewpoints/opinions which are skewed, not totally accurate, or which are lacking insight.  This is what it means to be human), so much of this book is excellent, thought provoking, incredibly well written, and very worth reading.  I was astounded by several of his observations and thoughts on life, finding them to be well stated, aptly observed, and inspiring.




Shrill by Lindy West.  Wow.  This book is one we have been needing for a long time as a culture.  And are still in desperate need for many more like it.  Part memoir, part manifesto on numerous problematic areas of our culture with regards to women, such as body image, within politics, and how women are treated as well as regarded in the media, at work, and in personal veins, this book is excellent.  In parts, laugh out loud funny, whereas in others, emotionally moving and thought provoking, I loved this book.  Underlining several passages and even reading them aloud to Maxx who agreed on it being a strongly written and inspiring read.




Eating on the Wild Side by Jo Robinson.  One of the best books Ive ever read with regards to food and health.  The premise being: the majority of us who eat loads of fruits and veggies think we are eating for optimal health.  Not so.  In fact, most of us who do just that are often hardly getting any nutrients at all.  This depending largely on how we store these foods, as well as how we prepare them.  Frequently doing so in such a way that saps most of them of any substantial nutrients along the way.  This book will change the way you eat, prepare, and think about fruits and vegetables.  A vital read.




The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel.  This one is about how infidelity is perceived and treated in our culture (which is, in a very one track, narrow way).  Always horrible, always a relationship ender, and ever the cheater being a unethical, selfish villain.  Perel debunks much of that and probes one to think deeper on this issue, as well as in a wider, more open way, with regards to multiple other possibilities in considering the human heart as well as human desire. 

Her point being that while cheating is always crappy and wrong, and that while sometimes cheating is incident of lack or love or evidence that someone is a jerk, that other times is doesnt mean anything of the sort.  That reasons for and meaning behind cheating are relative and can run a wide gamut of reasons, can be layered with contradiction, and are worthy of closer examination.  That an incident of cheating does not always indicate a bad relationship or lack of love as our culture is quick to slap on as the only possibility ever with regards to cheating.  It can mean this.  It can also mean a lot of other layered, complicated things.

This is an incredibly thought provoking, fascinating read.  Highly recommend it, regardless of your thoughts on the topic, merely for the experience of further learning, mind opening, and provocation of thought.




The Soulmate Experience: a practical guide to creating extraordinary relationships by Mali Apple.  This book is one of my favorites about relationships.  Offering up concepts for closeness I hadn't read about in any other relationship books, nor had I ever considered anything like them.  Some even seeming contrary to closeness on initial consideration, though then on reading further, finding them to be thought provoking and inspiring.




The Color of Home by Rich Marcello.  While the writing in this book was average, the story was inspiring, unique, and thus, memorable.  About a couple who meet and fall in love, though in the middle of their romance, realizing that the timing between them is off.  That both of them have signifigant other life goals, dreams, and pathways that will cause their paths to diverage if continuing to chase all that they deeply desire. 

They decide to part ways for the time being, though not in a sense of "doors slammed shut" and the relationship being done.  Instead, they decide to pursue these diverging paths for the time being, and to trust in the universe.  That if they are meant to cross paths again, they will.  Its the only love story I have read with this type of plot.  I found it deeply thought provoking and relevant to real life and relationships.  Nor had I ever read another romance story with a concept like it.




The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm.  This book turned on its head, numerous things I thought I knew and believed to be true about love.  Both, with regards to romantic love, as well as parental love.  A thought provoking, emotionally moving, philosophical read.  Highly recommend it.




Deliciously Ella by Ella Woodward.  This is an excellent cookbook in terms of rustic, easy to make, homey, plant based, vegan meals.  I really love most of the recipes in here, including the desserts, so yummy.




Sugar Blues by William Duffy.  Wow, was this a jarring read.  Im embaressed to admit it but this is the book that brought to light for me all the dangers and health wrecking affects that sugar has on your body.  From hemmeroids, to diabetes, to heart disease, to bad skin.  I was horrified, sobered, and stunned reading this book.  With no idea of any of this prior to reading it, aside from my vague knowledge that "sugar isnt good for you."  An important read for anyone who cares about their health, both long term and short.




The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.  Ignoring the crass title, this book is pretty excellent in terms of the life philosophies it offers.  Many, quite contradictory to what we typically hear in phisosophy and psychology/self help type of stuff.  Though sobering, inspiring, confidence building, and thought provoking.  This book can easily be life changing, if one carefully considers the insights within and applies even a few to their own life.




Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel.  Love this book.  Totally changed the way I think about relationships, desire, monogamy, and love in general.  As well as space and boundaries in our closest relationships. 

The underlying question and premise of this book: can one sustain desire over the long-term for what they already have?  Hint: its more possible than you might think.  Sometimes it just requires approaching our romantic relationships a little differently than people usually, traditionally tend to. 

(And no, that isn't necessarily a reference to monogamy.  One can be monogamous and maintain this sense of desire over the long term as well).




Zen and the Art of Happiness by Chris Prentiss.  Based on the Buddhist theory that states: the universe doesn't make mistakes.  The idea that all which happens to us is exactly what is meant to be happening in that moment.  That all of it leads and adds up to the big picture of whom we are meant to become.  I found this book deeply inspiring, thought provoking, as well as helping instill a sense of peace within me when going through challenging phases in my own life.




The Friendship Factor: how to get closer to the people you care for by Alan McGinnis.  Ive read this book at least 4 times and will read it again most certainly.  One of the best relationship books Ive ever read.  This book, discussing concepts like vulnerability, making time for the relationships in your life, highly prioritizing them, learning the gestures of love, as well as even, the normalcy of anger being somewhat present in most close, intimate relationships.  This is an excellent book on relationships, both platonic as well as romantic and even familial.




The Paleo Manifesto by John Durant.  I loved this book on health.  Written in a conversational manner, easy to read, as well as fascinating, this is another one that will shift the things you thought you knew about health.  While I don't particularly follow a Paleo diet myself, this book did open my eyes wide with regards to various health issues, regardless.  Health findings based on real research and PhD studies.  If health is a concern and interest of yours, this is worth a read, whether you decide on maintaining a Paleo lifestyle or not.




The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan Pease.  The concepts and material in this book continually permeate many of my social interactions and observations in the years following my having read it.  Gives the reader more of a sense into people, the ways they move their bodies and how this might inform us of their intentions, as well as their inner emotional states.  Ive found it useful on numerous occasions since.




Essentialism: the disciplined pursuit of less by Greg McKeowen.  The concept of this book is a great one.  Most of us, especially Americans, seem to feel and be perpetually too busy.  Overworked, overscheduled, overtired.  We cannot ever seem to "get it all done," usually juggling multiple priorities and responsibilities. 

This book will help you to reconsider that notion and approach to life completely.  Challenging you that something around 80% of what you consider "really important" and "must dos" in your life, are actually not that important at all in the big picture.  That often times, we focus on and prioritize things which should be way further down the list and really don't actually matter all that much, and instead tend to push aside and ignore the things that actually, we should be focusing on and investing in far more. 

Check out this book for a perspective check on that concept.



The Three "Only" Things: Tapping the Power of Dreams, Coincidence, and Imagination by Robert Moss.  This book was majorly thought provoking, with loads of real life examples illustrating and proving the powerful concepts he was suggesting.  That in fact, our dreams, as well as synchronicity and coincidence, and our imaginations, are far more powerful, insightful, and intuitive than we tend to think.  Instead, most of us often dismissing them with excuses along the lines of "it was only a dream" or "it was just a coincidence," or, "that's just your imagination."  When in fact, many powerful things (premonitions, inventions and ideas that have changed the world, life saving insights, etc) have come from these three sources.




Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud.  This book brought into stark focus the realization that endings are a natural part of life.  That most of us view endings as unnatural, awful things to be ashamed of, avoided at all cost, and which signify failure.  This is not so at all.  Everything in life has a natural ending/conclusion.  Relationships, jobs, life phases, all of it.  There are periods of growth and flourishing, and then declines, conclusions and endings.  Some things lasting much longer, whereas others are shorter lived.  This book helped me learn that concept, both, not to be afraid of endings, as well as to be able to identify when an ending might be necessary or impending.





For further life changing, thought provoking, gripping, and just generally awesome reads, I put together a list a couple of months ago, a "master life reading list," if you will that, in my opinion, gives a person the most comprehensive of foundations in reading all of the included.