Thursday, January 30, 2020

How to Tell If Someone Really Loves You.

Hint: it has nothing to do with what they say.

image by Iga Palacz from

Someone loves (or, cares for, respects, and values) you if…

They dare to speak up (in a loving way) and tell you when you are wrong, potentially hurting yourself, or others.

They show a genuine interest in the things for which you are most interested, excited, and passionate about.

They prioritize spending time with you regularly.

They listen, with focused presence and interest, when you speak.

They are willing to let go, if you both have tried as hard as you can to make things work, and things are no longer working. Letting go can also be an act of love, because it releases both parties so they can move on, heal, and find someone who is a healthier, better match at that point. Emotionally mature, healthy adults let go when a relationship, friendship, or other connection is no longer working.

They make an effort to get to know and get along with the people you love most. Even if they don’t fully jive with or love these people themselves, they do it as an act of love towards you

They are curious about you. Their inquiries are not just obligatory. They are truly interested in getting to know who you are. The things you think about, what scares you, your life dreams, current life experiences, and feelings, etc.

They remember and acknowledge the significant happenings in your life. Birthday, new job, a major medical issue, a breakup, etc.

They are reliable, trustworthy, and kind toward you.

They have the courage to tell you when they think what you’re doing is not ok.

You see it in the way they look at you.

They are open to feedback from you, even when it’s hard to hear, and then they attempt to change, grow, and tailor their actions going forward.

They have the courage to challenge you, when and where you need it most.

They go out of their way for you. To let you know that you matter to them, to spend time with you, to make a gesture in an attempt to uplift you when things are tough, etc.

They are not just around to hang out when it’s convenient. They also bend themselves sometimes in order to make it happen to hang with you too.

They care about when you are hurting, physically or emotionally. This upsets and pains them, and you know it based on their reaction and sense of empathy toward you.

They are excited to spend time with you.

They are forgiving since both of you will mess up at times. And love requires forgiveness.

They are willing to make adjustments for you.

They take action to solve problems when they do arise between the two of you. Not passive, half-hearted, lame action, but overt, motivated ones.

They do not hold grudges.

They respect your “no.”

They come when the chips are down and when you are truly in need. They are there, emotionally or physically. Ideally both.

They celebrate you. On your birthday, wedding day, on the day of your child’s birth, when you finally walk again after physical therapy, at graduation, and on the other significant occasions of your life. They get psyched for you and make this known.

When you spend time together, it isn’t always what they want to do. They are flexible, open, and make a point to partake in and try things you enjoy and want to do as well.

They laugh and play with you.

You can read a plethora of other articles like this of mine, on all topics (relationships, friendship, love, family relations, health, psychology, feminism, culture, and books) here on

The link to my author page and all articles is here!  Thank you so much for reading.  Have an inspired, healthy, productive, and joyous day.

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