Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Whatever you love, you are.

Whatever you love, you are.  You can tell who someone is in looking at both whom, and what they love.  And by the word “love,” this can also be values, priorities, passions, as well as the characters of those whom are recipients of said persons love.  In other words, tell me whom (and/or what) you love, and I will tell you who you are.

To give some real life examples to help illustrate said point...

(And, important note: none of these analysis are judgements.  They are not labeled good, nor bad.  Instead, the point is merely that one can figure out much about a persons character by whom and what they love.  One can deduce much about who someone is based on whatever they love).

--Look at the overall theme or character of the people someone loves.  Those to whom they are closest.  What are these people like?  Are they generally emotionally healthy, kind hearted, good people?  Or, are many of them toxic, cruel, manipulative, or just generally a mess?  Who someone loves can tell you a lot about the person doing the loving.  It can tell you a lot about their self-esteem, whether they have healthy boundaries or not, their own inner strength, etc.  Very often, we tend gravitating towards those like ourselves.  Frequently, emotionally unhealthy people love, you guessed it, emotionally unhealthy people.  Those who are healthy and happy, with good self-esteem and strong boundaries, are not typically close with a lot of people who are quite the opposite.  People who are even keeled, happy, and with a solid sense of self simply wouldn’t choose to put up with that kind of behavior.

There are of course, exceptions.  A lot of people have one or two someone’s in their life who are not especially happy people, nor very healthy.  This is fairly normal.  More often than not, this tends towards being family (a person like this often ends up being someone we love and with whom we are bound in some relational way, such as a parent or sibling).  The key here is, what kind of boundaries are put up with these people in our life?  
The question in these extenuating cases isn’t whether or not one loves this type of person, but in how they navigate this sometimes unhealthy or sometimes hurtful relationship.  
How one loves this type of person in their life tells you a lot about their own character and self-esteem.  

And the final key here is, if someone has one or two people like this in their life, that might make sense and not necessarily be indicative of some strong implications regarding the person doing the loving, however if this is the type of character dominating a person’s social life (unhealthy, toxic, harmful types of people), that says much more about the one who chooses to have so many people like this in their life.

--Further, in looking at who someone loves, the same goes for friends.  If you want to know who someone is, look at the character of their friends.  Are most of their friend’s supportive, loyal, kind hearted, emotionally present, intelligent, and caring?  Or, are several of a person’s friends more shallow, flakey, have substance abuse issues, not have their life together, not especially supportive or caring?  Again, who a person surrounds themselves with, or in other words who “they love” can tell you a lot about this persons own character, self-esteem, etc.  

--If a person has 100 friends, and another person has 2 friends, this can also give an observer insight into their character.  One with 100 friends, these cannot possibly be deep friendships.  This is neither good nor bad, merely an observation.  It’s possible that a handful of the 100 might be close connections, while the others are acquaintances.  In general though, “a friend to everyone is a close friend to no one.”  

Emotionally close, deep connections with others require energy, presence, effort, a lot of time in person and a lot of conversation.  One cannot truly have more than a few of these in their life, at any given time.  If they claim to have loads of close friends, they likely do not understand the concept of what emotionally close really means.  

One can also tell if a person is more likely an extrovert or an introvert, depending on the width of their social circle, or in how frequently they enjoy socializing.

--Who does someone choose for a romantic partner?  Is it someone who treats them well?  Is respectful and kind?  Who goes out of their way in loving?  Who is thoughtful and generous?  Or, is the person someone chose as their partner unsupportive, disrespectful, toxic, abusive, manipulative, or cruel?  Whom we choose as a romantic partner tells the world a lot about our own self-esteem, sense of self love, our standards for ourselves, possibly our sense of desperation or a lack of emotional maturity/lack of bravery.

--Whatever you love, you are.  This extends to non-human relationships too.  Does a person love animals?  This doesn’t mean they have to be a pet owner currently, but in general, do they at least have a love for animals?  If not…that says something.

--Do they love reading?  Or loathe it?  Both positions tell you a lot about someone.  Potentially their interest in personal growth or continued learning, possibly something about laziness or not, maybe their sense of adventure, imagination, or curiosity, many potential conclusions can be considered by such.

--Does someone love getting drunk, revel in using substances whenever possible, use getting drunk or high as a way to feel good, prefer being in this state as opposed to of their right mind?  This tells you something.  About their sense of satisfaction with self, their emotional health, their emotional maturity, all of the above and probably more.

--Do they love watching television?  This taking up the majority of their free time?  This indicates some things, maybe about their ambition or aims, their current energy levels, their sense of motivation, potentially with regards to their intellect,etc.

--Is someone obsessed with, say, Kim Kardashian?  That tells you something about this person.  Why their obsession over and/or love for a woman who is shallow, markets herself mostly as a sex object, who objectifies herself and makes money off it, is known for the drama she likes to stir up in her personal life as well as her sisters, and is rude, self centered, and just generally a vapid person.  
What type of person (as in, what values does this person hold close) would look up to a woman with this type of character and value system...?  Probably, someone similar.

--If someone is in love with themselves, very much involved in their appearance, with how they come across to everyone, being liked and thought of highly by others, ultra-concerned with everything about themselves, nor do they show much interest in other people (aka, they are awful listeners and generally just love to hear themselves talk), all of this says much about that person’s character.  Maybe their sense of generosity or thoughtfulness towards others (or lack there of) (because being generous isnt just about giving things, its also about giving time and investing effort into being present with someone), or their interest in (or not) other people, their ability to focus on others and connect with potential friends, maybe hinting at their reliability, or whether they are kind or not, etc.

Id imagine that’s enough examples to illustrate what I am trying to say.  Whatever you love, you are.  To learn vast depths about the character of a person, look closely at both whom, and what they love.  

If they love dreaming, adventure, traveling, this tells you something about that person’s mindset, their heart and character.  If they love working outside in their backyard, are active members in their community, and devoted to their home town, this tells you something of this person’s character, potential overall life picture, and their heart.  If someone loves volunteering, this can offer clues into their character.  If someone loathes the homeless, or loathes woman, or people of races different from their own, this can tell you a lot about their heart and character. If a person spends thousands of dollars on many of their articles of clothing, this tells you many things.

If a person loves money, working long hours and material goods, this says something about what they value, what kind of friend or partner they might be, ways they might like to spend their free time, how present or not they might be when at home with loved ones, etc.  If someone loves writing thank you cards to people by hand whenever something kind is done for them, this says something.  If a person is extremely health conscious, loves to exercise and is fairly careful about what they eat, this tells outsiders much about this persons values and can even give hints into personality traits that person might have.  The list goes on and on and on.

Tell me whom and what you love, and I will tell you who you are.

You are what you love.

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